While perusing Advanced Style for the first time, I found out… WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MERLE GINSBURG! (She looks great).
Until this very moment, I never thought that the file-sharing sites I use to illegally download music was tracking my information, or at least, catchphrases…
This reminds me of when I was 13 and would draw people without an anatomical reference EXCEPT THIS IS REAL.
An analysis of the first official Mockingjay trailer:
- Katniss and President Snow are SKYPING? Definitely not in the book. If this is an example of off-book ‘liberties’ they’ve taken, COLOUR ME INTRIGUED. Also - I felt that Donald Sutherland had been playing Snow waaay too even keel in the first two movies, so I’m encouraged to see he’s bringing the Hannibal Lecter now…
- Effie has definitely replaced the role of Venia. Called it a million years ago!
- District 13 has been more vibrantly realized that I could have imagined, seeing as it was, y’know, described to be a minimalist bunker. It’s so specifically stylized without being extravagant - hat’s off to the production design!
- Wouldn’t it have been best to not show the whole Peeta-cast part in the trailer for non-book readers? Oh well, spoiler alert: Peeta’s alive and calling for a cease-fire!
- Finnick’s going through some things.
- It looks like the District 8 scene is going to be the big action sequence, and the night raid of 13 is also included. I’m still positive that the standoff in District 2 will be where the book narrative into the Mockingjay sequel is split, but we’ll see how that prediction pans out…
- EXACTLY WHERE IS THIS DAM THAT’S BEING BLOWN UP??? There’s definitely one at the Capitol, but wouldn’t the first movie be too soon to include a Capitol strike? Maybe this is an instance of them ‘expanding the world’ and showing other districts (that have dams, apparently)…
And last, and most importantly,
- Coulda used A LOT MORE (Julianne) MOORE!
Although the thesis isn’t entirely false, ISSUES with this article and a staggering number of ESSENTIAL all-female collaborations that the author left omitted. Here’s my personal Top 10 to prove that all-female collab’s are hardly seeing a golden age in 2014…
10. Gwen Stefani ft. Eve - Rich Girl (2005)
Eve making with the quid pro Gwen Stefani’s quo from “Let Me Blow Ya Mind”, yes it samples Fiddler On The Roof, but I can guarantee you that when this track came on during its heyday, nary a pussy went un-popped on the dance floor.
9. Beyonce & Shakira - Beautiful Liar (2007)
Believe it or not, there was a time that everything Beyonce did wasn’t met with universal deference. This was one of those moments. An unceremonious pairing at best, you could still do a lot worse.
8. Reba McEntire & Linda Davis - Does He Love You (1993)
To discount country queens on this list would be a fatal error. If you’ve ever been at the bottom angles of a love triangle, THEY are singing what your HEART was feeling. Not to mention, their hair and shoulder pads are the height and volume you wish yours were.
7. Rihanna & Britney Spears - S&M (2011)
Equally matched in every respect.
6. Janet Jackson ft. Missy Elliott & Carly Simon - Son Of A Gun (2001)
One of the greatest tragedies of the past decade has been Janet Jackson’s multi-tier fall from grace. This song is terrifyingly badass. This is the song that female assassins listen to after they do a job. And Carly Simon’s ‘rap’ contribution? I defy your seat to stay dry after hearing it.
5. Whitney Houston ft. Kelly Price & Faith Evans - Heartbreak Hotel (1999)
Whitney Houston is truly the queen of female collaborations (see honourable mentions below), with this being her most commercially successful. I remember loving it at the time because I read into it that this meant she was getting ready to kick Bobby B to the curb, but there are also as many soul-blazing vocals as there are floor-legnth coats.
4. Amber, Ultra Nate & Jocelyn Enriquez AKA Stars on 54 - If You Could Read My Mind (1998)
SEMINAL. It took EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to not make this Number 1, which is a testament to my objectivity and ability to think critically. This is the dance music equivalent of the founding of the United Nations, and continues to fill the floor with a joyous urgency.
3. Lady GaGa & Beyonce - “Telephone” (2009)
I have a theory that once a decade, like a comet or a rare breed of sea-turtle mating, there is a quintessential female collaboration. In the 90’s, it was Brandy & Monica’s “The Boy Is Mine”… my cases-in-point from the 80’s and 70’s are respectively next. I do believe that this song edges out the Aguilera/Pink/Li’l Kim/Mya “Lady Marmalade” quadrumvirate to be that quintessential female collaboration of the 2000’s.
2.) Annie Lennox & Aretha Franklin - Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves (1985)
I know it’s technically billed as “The Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin” but fuck that so hard, Dave Stewart is taking a distant third billing here. This song is what Rosie The Riveter’s soul sounded like. Beyond the fact that it’s basically the female version of ‘Ebony & Ivory’, without it, The First Wives Club would have NEVER gotten their shit together and founded the Cynthia Swann Griffin Crisis Centre and saved COUNTLESS LIVES.
1. Barbra Streisand & Donna Summer - No More Tears (Enough Is Enough) (1979)
Iconic. The paradigm by which every subsequent all-female collaboration follows, and the gold star whose orbit they reside in.
Kelly Clarkson & Tamyra Gray - You Thought Wrong
(ANTHEMIC. I blame the fact that it dropped in the early-Aughts, a considerably more Kid Rock-friendly climate, for it not taking off. Still, it was ample compensation for those of us that thought Tamyra was #ROBBED.)
Whitney & Mariah - When You Believe
(DEVASTATION AND TRIUMP IN ONE FELL SWOOP.)
Whitney & Deborah Cox - Same Script, Different Cast
(A little contrived, but I’ll take whatever Whitney gives me. Also of note: there are 5 separate modulations in this song ALONE.)
Whitney & Cissy Houston - I Know Him So Well
(I can’t believe this cover of a song from the musical “Chess” with a gospel legend and her daughter who predeceased her wasn’t a hit.)
Li’l Kim ft. RuPaul - Bad Girls
(LIGHT YEARS AHEAD OF ITS TIME.)
Lady Gaga & Christina Aguilera - Do What U Want
(AKA the non-R Kelly Rape Version)
Cher, Chrissie Hynde & Nehneh Cherry - Love Can Build A Bridge
(Maudlin ballad that was likely a charity single that I’m amazed Chrissie Hynde signed on for)
Shakira & Rihanna - Can’t Remember To Forget You
(Meh, but I’m generally in favour of both of them individually.)
Jennifer Hudson & Fantasia - I’m His Only Woman
(If you do one thing this lifetime, listen to the dramatized phone call between them in the first 48 seconds and have a life well-lived.)
Celine & Barbra - Tell Him
(If cashmere turtlenecks could sing, this is what it would sound like.)
Mariah Carey ft. Missy Elliott & DaBrat - Heartbreaker (DJ Clue Remix)
(A nourishing, indefatigable masterpiece.)
Brandy, Tamia, Gladys Knight & Chaka Khan - Missing You
(Remember when Brandy could headline things?)
Any and everything Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt & Emmylou Harris did together.
Last night, I was the equivalent of the “YAAAS GAGA” kid to Tina Fey, and who the fuck can blame me.
Inspired by @'s EXCELLENT ranking of every outfit Shelley Long wore in Troop Beverly Hills, I ranked every outfit everyone ELSE wears in the movie with the sprawling expanse of time I had over this long weekend…
30.) Velda Plendor’s Skunk Hat
You’re gonna pay for this, yes, you are…
29.) Dr. Joyce Brothers’ Khaki Fashion Show Apron
More like Dr. Joyce OH-BROTHERs.
28.) Velda Plendor’s Mormon Matron
What is a collar that size supposed to communicate?
27.) Hannah Nefler’s Laura Ashley Realdoll
This was literally the last day in recent history it was remotely acceptable for anyone to wear a hat that size as an earnest accessory.
26.) Annie Herman’s Civvies
I’ll bet she has a wild side.
25.) Claire Sprantz’s Intended Outfit from the Wilderness Craft Fair Presentation
Basic! Not to mention the presentation FLOPPED!
24.) Mrs. Dictator’s Obscenely Large Leg of Mutton Sleeves
A convenient diversion to the ‘how many shoes’ question, sure…
23.) Frankie & Annette’s Casual Activewear
They could and should have tried harder.
22.) Hungry Jazzerciser’s Graphic Leggings
THIS is how you do activewear in 1989 Beverly Hills.
21.) Tessa DiBlasio’s Annie Hall-goes-to-the-Mall
Annie Mall, more like…
20.) General Salute to Rosa
rio's Casual Wear
Ironically, these are the most timeless pieces in this movie.
19.) Henri doing Henri
He should have had a minute of screen time for every outfit Phyllis Nefler wore.
18.) Ed ‘Kooky’ Byrnes’ Man-About-Town
I have NO DOUBT he made quite an impression at the unemployment offices.
17.) Freddy Neffler’s SUPER-RELAXED-FIT Empire-Waist slacks
Craig T. Astley
16.) Bitsy Barnfell’s Ice Queen in Reagan-Era Navy
Sydney Biddle-Barrows REALNESS…
15.) Lily Marcigan’s Counter-Revolutionary Ray-Ban’s & Kimono
You can torture me, but I’ll never talk!
14.) Chica Barnfell’s Equestrian Chic
Dressaged to kill!
13.) Emily Honigman’s Acid-Wash Peplum Party Dress with Embellished Hearts and Scrunchie Parfait
12.) Jasmine Shakar’s “It’s Cookie Time” Wig (BONUS: Annie Herman on the synth!)
HOW IS IT that Jenny Lewis is the lone TBH Alum to go onto a recording career, yet this girl is lost in oblivion?
11.) Rosa’s Maraca Section Southwestern Smock
10.) Vicki Sprantz’s Business-Jungle Casual
Once upon a time, Stephanie Beacham was made, and the mold was broken.
9.) Lisa’s 10-Gallon Shoulder Pads
Makes the earrings look like studs!
7.) Vicki Sprantz’s Live-&-In-Person Coat of Many Animal Hides
I like to imagine that in whichever universe TBH was set in, Vicki Sprantz was a rival romance novelist to Mary Fisher from “She-Devil”. Timeline-wise, it would check out!
6.) Mrs. Shakar’s Nubian Empress
I also like to imagine that Mrs. Shakar and Aunt Viv would have been rivals in the bizzaro TBH-verse…
5.) Pia Zadora’s Khaki Mini-Frock
Sure it’s drab on a good day, but she’s got the best accessory known to man - being Pia Zadora.
4.) Lisa’s Electric Blue Leatherette Boner Crusher
Must have been a real hot listing…
3.) Divorce Court Fall Fashions
Bang = buck.
2.) Vicki Sprantz’s Second Skin
I choose to believe this was a catsuit.
1.) Annie Herman’s Emancipation Cocktail Tutu
ANNIE HERMAN BOI-OI-OING IS FUCKING RIGHT. Did it occur to NO ONE that Mary Gross’s body is on point with Brooke fucking Shields in her prime? Iconic Iconic Iconic Iconic ICONIC.
I hope that this was 1/10th as entertaining as Lindy West’s original post was. Beverly Hills, what a thrill!